Depression

depression is a soul eating, life corroding, confusing disease for anyone to have to live with.

and unfair when I have the three most amazing people in my life that have to live with the consequences.

the journey continues.....

a month ago this was impossible to write because of the anger I still felt, but now that I am letting myself remember and realize that everything really does happen for a reason, my anger is fading. The job and opportunity of a lifetime we were so sure God planned just for us did not pan out.
We were there at the ranch for less that 2 months when S was let go and we had to vacate the premises within a week. I knew the look on S's face as soon as I drove up to the house...it was over. I could type for hours about what happened, but it is not worth it. All I know now is that is was absolutely the best thing in the world that it happened so early. It was extremely emotional that first night...anger, sadness, downright hatred at the way that man treated my family, at the realization that we had to move, find a new place and job so soon. But the next morning it was like a weight was lifted and we saw that the stress of the job and working for someone that was next to impossible to please was already taking its toll on our marriage and us as a family. Those two things are the most important things in the world and not worth losing for a job and a cute farm house.
Now we are back on our feet, doing way better than we were before the ranch job and things are looking great. We are in town, where I wanted to be in the first place, in a nice(modern)house in a desirable neighborhood with lots of great neighbors and lots of kids for the boys to ride bikes with! S and I have already made friends with a wonderful couple that has a daughter K's age. On nice days we can forget about getting anything done inside because we are outside watching all the kids play.
We are also in the neighborhood that goes to what people say is the best elementary in the district, so that is good with K starting Kindergarten next fall.
I am not sure if this is the path that God had intended, I am not really sure what the point of moving to the ranch was and having to deal with such a treacherous man, but I guess it was what we were suppose to do. I really wish we never would have meet the person that turned our lives upside down, but because of that move we are where we are and the boys are so happy with friends to play with.
We will see what god has in store for us next...I really hope it's not another move for a while!
and since no post is good without a pic...just an old random shot....

wildlife.....

this is just an example of what we see everyday on the ranch.....

life's unknowing journey.....

other than the particular place we were living, S and I could not have been happier with the path we have been journeying down this past year. We have had wonderful adventures with the kids while we explored this new part of Texas and we both really liked where we were working. So therefore was really not a big surprise to me or to S when several months ago I found myself itching to get the heck out of the temporary rental we were in and get closer into town. The twelve acres was ok, the deer in the back yard was awesome, But the house and the drive...not ok.

Now I know that God has a path for everyone, but what if you don't listen or are stubborn? I really feel like a lot of our problems have had to do with just that, we don't listen to our better judgment(god) and do what our selfish inner child wants to do. Well, I really believe that god had such good plans for us this time that when we started to look for other rent houses in town nothing paned out. I was getting pretty bummed out but we decided to just stay in the yucky place until after Christmas and start looking again in the new year.

It was about mid October when S's moms husband, Joey, was on the way to his boss's ranch about an hour from us to fire the current ranch foreman that stuff began to change. S's brother just happen to mention to Joey what a great job that would be for S and it all snowballed fairly quickly from there. With all the highs and lows, butterflies and panics of a new job all rolled in one short week, S got the job as a Ranch foreman on a several thousand acre, high fence game ranch. He will be taking care of all the animals, maintaining the road systems, guiding hunts, processing any animals harvested, along with so much more on such a busy ranch.

The conversations and emotions felt in the week this was all happening were all over the place. The thought of S changing jobs is scary enough, but to do something and be responsible for so much that he has never done before was just down right frightening. Not to mention that this was about 15 more minutes further for me to drive to work....I had originally wanted to be closer, remember? But God truly knows what he is doing and I believe whole heartily his plan was for us to take this opportunity. The crazy circumstances, the easy in which it all happened and the fact that He didn't let us talk ourselves out of it proves it to me.

So we have actually been living here and S working for a few weeks now, and I am absolutely in love. I love the little farm house we get to live in, the horses, cattle, the twelve or so different species of exotic animals we see every day and my porch swing. The boys no longer watch TV, and there is no more fighting them at bedtime because they pass out in seconds from playing so hard outside. S couldn't be happier with all that he does here because no matter what he is doing, he is outside and gets to see wildlife all day!

There are more opportunities than I can imagine for me to use my camera, I have a swing on the front porch to read books and a pretty large yard to play tag with the boys!

I never in a millions years or even two months ago imagined we would be on this journey, but it sure is an amazing one.

our house

the view of our house/barns from one of two lookout points.

view from my kitchen sink...i may actually learn to like doing dishes....

dirt road to our house

the medina river, where we cross going to the ranch

the boys either want on this all the time or the tractor!


more to come later......

the boys.....

lately they have actually been cooperative with me and my camera!!!

hemisfair park

the sky was blue, the sun bright, not a cloud or parking spot in sight. Have you ever tried to park in downtown San Antonio? With such a beautiful day calling us outside we ventured to hemisfair park to let the boys rid themselves of all that boy energy. We circled the park, oh, about five times before we found somewhere to park that we didn't need full hiking gear, and a GPS to find our way back. Luckily it only cost five bucks, that was pretty cheap around there! As it was Sunday and the only attraction open was the needle, we just walked the grounds looking at the sculptures, old building and let the boys play on the playground.
When the sun started to slip down and the boys started to slow down we found our way down to the river walk. We had no intentions on going to the river walk, but the day was so nice and dang we had a parking spot, so we decided to find a place to eat. By request of the boys, we needed to eat outside.
I do believe this is the first time I have ever seen the boys so wore out that they actually just sat at the table....quiet.
Dinner was great and walking on the river walk was not near bad as we thought it would be with a four year old and a three year old.

half moon.....

on our recent stroll down the river walk mister socialite decided to show a little more than his charming smile! he was so worn out by the time we headed back to the car he hitched a ride on daddy's back and this was the picture I was so lucky to catch! he was just a wavin' and flirtin' to the passing tour boats when I realized half his little hiney was flashing!! unfortunately earlier we had to toss his under-roos because he forgot to aim right so he was going comando, causing his pants to slip a little. I think everyone passing thought it was hilarious before I fixed it!

nineteen miles.....

One River. three guides. ten women. eight hours. nineteen miles.

This past Sunday me, along with a group of strong and amazing women, went on an all day Kayak trip on the Guadalupe river between Comfort and Sisterdale, Texas. We stared out with a chill in the air and fog so thick we cut it with our kayaks. It wasn't long until the sun came out, burnt off the fog to reveal the beautiful banks of the Guadalupe and warm up the water that was chillin our bums. It didn't take long to start breaking a sweat and for the muscles to start burning!

The water was quite low, which created tons of fun rapids and obstacles to bypass giving us the opportunity to really learn how to maneuver our boats and learn how to 'read' the water. I think looking for random, large rocks in the middle of the river was most important, because even with a boat between you and the rock, it still hurts when you hit one without expecting it...unfortunately there were a few I hit pretty hard.

I learned two very valuable lessons while on this trip. One, is that yes, you can very nicely request with your paddle the direction you would like your boat to go through an approaching rapid. You can paddle your little heart out, beg and plead with the river, but in the end, it is only a request and that in no way guarantees you will get your way. That happened to me about twenty minutes before take out. I was kickin it and getting the hang of navigating through the rapids. I was sore, hot and looking for the get out. I was getting a little cocky with the water and right when I wasn't expecting it, she spoke up and said, "sister, you are not in control of this." And over I went. Luckily Kayaks are easy to get back into and I was able to track down my drenched back of snacks.

The second lesson was a lot easier. When on the water for any length of time, you can never have to much sunblock or water. I put on tons of sunblock through out the day, but still ended up with a little bit of sunburn. And I think I could have guzzled about five gallons of water and still been dehydrated.

At the end of the paddle, when we finally saw site of the ever evasive bridge in Sisterdale with the truck parked under waiting to bring us exhausted women back to Comfort, it was one of the most rewarding things I have put myself through. I was sore for about 3 days, but waiting for the next opportunity to get back on the river...hopefully next time to share the experience with Scott.




of course I couldn't bring my big camera as much as I wanted to, so I settled for disposable cameras....they work better than nothing!

Hill Country landscape.....

I've never been much interested in landscape, I've never really thought I had the eye for it. Living in the Hill Country has given me the inspiration to see landscape more artistically, so I have been practicing as we take our infamous rode trips. I never use to get Scott to stop or turn around so I could snap a picture of something nice along side of the rode, for no other reason than not wanting to speak up. Now that I am in such a beautiful place I can't help but stop to take pictures. So poor Scott never knows when I will request a u-turn for cool cloud formations, an unusual deer stand or neat sign, but he takes it all in stride. I am lucky he understands my obsession with photography!
These two are in between Van Der Poole and Leakey


This one is close to Garner State park

these two were on a ranch in Campwood


Enchanted Rock

Soccer Mom.....

I am officially in the club...the soccer mom club! I use to always joke about 'being a soccer mom', not ever against it, but not really thinking I would be doing it.
We have wanted to get kyle involved in something for a while now and at the last minute were able to get him signed up with the local soccer club. This boy was so stinking excited to go to the store to pick out his very own soccer shoes, shin guards(although he though the 'cups' were shin guards) and soccer ball I though he was going to explode! he was a little disappointed when he could get a helmet, I guess we haven't done a good job teaching our sons the difference between sports. Needless to say he tried on his black and blue shoes and insisted on wearing them out of the store!
He is number 2 for the cowboys and had his first game this past Saturday! They play 3v3 at this age, for 2-15 minute quarters. Each group of 3 plays for five minutes and we had the hardest time keeping kyle on the field for his amount of time. Every time he did something or play stopped, he would run to me or Scott for a rest or to give us a hug!!! Otherwise I do think he has perfect personality for this game, he is aggressive and with no real understanding of the game, scored the first goal of his first game!
I went into this very nervous, never having done anything like this before, not knowing what would be involved for me as a parent in a strictly voluntary organization. But found myself volunteering before I know it! I haven't looked forward to anything like this in a long time and am SO excited to be a team mom, to work in the concession stand and help organize weekly parties! I know Scott and I are both looking forward to sitting out in the sweltering sun, the freezing cold and the wind to watch our little budding soccer star have a blast!

~unfortunately photographing sports is not something I have ever done, don't know much about and certainly don't have the equipment for. I gave it my best shot, but with the super bright sun didn't get anything technically great, but personally they are the best photos I have!

the part of the team that was paying attention, walking the line during practice.

K was the first to kick off...

and went straight down the field...

to score his first goal and the first of the game!

running to me for a hug.

him being aggressive...